The Doppelganger (Sandwich)

A few days ago I blew ten bucks on a sandwich from a sub shop. It was tasty, but I figured I could do it better at home, and for less money too. I was right. When I got out of work today I really didn't feel like cooking a big dinner, so I decided to get some cold cuts and put these bad boys together.

First I had to select a bread. Regular, or maybe old-fashioned white bread? A hearty multigrain? Sub rolls? I found a bag of some nice Portuguese rolls on the day old rack. Absolutely the right choice. Portuguese rolls are a little shorter and wider than a hoagie roll, lighter density than Italian bread, with a dry floury crust.

Now let's get to the meat of the matter. I hit the deli counter and ordered up a half pound of the store-brand rare roast beef, sliced thin. But don't let them slice it too thin if the grain does not allow, or it will wind up more like a pile of chipped beef. A good deli will shave off a slice to let you have a look, and a taste if you like. I didn't wind up using the whole half pound, but if you are making sandwiches for more than just yourself, you will want to order more of course.

Just about any sandwich ever invented goes better with cheese, and this one is no exception. I went with Finlandia brand imported Swiss. Dense and sour but not too much stank like you would get on a creamier Lorraine Swiss. Normally I like to get the cheese sliced thick, especially a softer cheese like American, but I went a little thinner with this since it has a more “stretchy” consistency like some mozzarella.

From the deli counter I hit the produce section and picked up a white onion, white mushrooms, and a nice vine-ripened tomato. Next, I hit the spice rack for a little jar of chipotle powder. The star of the show on the sandwich I got at the sub shop the other day was the chipotle mayo. You can pick up some ready-made flavored mayos these days right off the shelf, but I don't really see the need for that. I can mix it myself and use the chipotle powder in other recipes as well. For mayo, I am a loyal Hellman's man.

As soon as I got home I got right to it and chopped up the onion, then threw it in a frying pan with some canola oil on high heat. Instead of stirring constantly like I would for caramelized onions, I let them sit on the heat and start to stick a little to get some browning toasty action. I didn't cook them down too much either and pulled them from the heat before they got too soft or started getting gelatinous.

Next I fried the mushrooms. You could get away with doing the mushrooms and onions together probably, but I wanted everything jusssst right. So, I fried the mushrooms separately in some butter rather than canola. The delicate taste and texture of mushrooms are more sensitive to the oil you cook them in, and taking in a butter flavor is preferable I think to other cooking oils.

Go ahead and slice open two rolls and lay them on a toaster-oven rack face open. Next, use a nice wide knife or spatula (not a pancake turner, an actual spatula) to give a nice smear of mayo on each face of the rolls. Over the mayo give a light dusting of chipotle. It's a little spicy and very smokey, so you have to be a bit careful in order to not overpower the other flavors in your sandwiches.

Next we are going to lay on a few slices of the rare roast beef to one face of each sandwich. Don't just lay them flat though. You want to sort of “fluff” the meat the way they do at a good sandwich shop to make the sandwich look thicker. Bunch it up a little, use your wrist to give it a little twist. Actually, the technique helps give the sandwich a sort of “independent suspension,” keeps the innerts from sliding around so much when you finally put it all together, and actually gives the sandwich a nicer density to bite into.

On the opposite faces lay down a layer of your chopped fried onion, and some of your fried mushrooms spaced out nicely. I folded over a slice of the Swiss cheese to get four strips. Lay down two at bit of a hash-mark angle over the meat, two more over the mushrooms and onion, then repeat for your second sandwich.

I had to squeeze them in a little, but the two sandwiches just fit into the toaster oven. Bake at 425-450 degrees for maybe 3-5 minutes. Keep a close eye on it. Once the cheese is melted down well, the bread should be nice and crispy at the edges and over the crust, but you don't want it to turn to dust either by over doing it. You want the roll to still be soft inside when you finally take a bite. But, we are not quiiite there yet. While the sandwiches were toasting, I sliced my tomato nice and thin. When you pull out your sandwiches form the oven, slip on a few ripe red slices, and fold the Doppelgangers closed. And yes, you must have two or it is not a Doppelganger. So if you're a light eater, bring a friend.

Warm, toasty, smoky, spicy, rich, a little sweet, a little pungent, with stretching gooey cheese that might get caught on your chin, so bring a napkin! Enjoy.

For your grocery list you will need: Portuguese rolls, deli-sliced rare roast beef, deli-sliced imported Swiss cheese, a white onion, sliced white mushrooms, a ripe red tomato, mayonnaise, and chipotle powder.

Chicken Tenderloin Dinner

I suppose this is sort of three or four recipes in one. We are going to dress some veggies, spice some taters, and make a nice creamy Parmesan herb sauce for our chicken tenderloins.

I put the veggies on last, but let's get that out of the way first here since it's the easiest part. For this dinner I used one bag of frozen mixed cauliflower, broccoli and sliced carrots. You might also try some Italian green beans or some snap peas if you prefer or want to switch it up for a rerun. Go ahead and heat them up in a pan like you would normally, but instead of adding a little butter, we are going to give the veggies a little douse of a sundried tomato vinaigrette. A sundried tomato pesto could work nicely too. Of course, making your own dressing is much healthier without all the preservatives and trans-fatty oils, but I admit that I usually buy this off the shelf in the bottle. Easy to keep a bottle on hand in the cupboard to use when you are throwing a dinner together as quickly and painlessly as possible. If you would rather steam your veggies, go for it, and then just toss them in a little dressing before serving. You shouldn't need more than, oh, a few tablespoonfuls I guess. Be careful not to overpower the flavor in your veggies tho, the dressing is an accent, not a topper.

Now we're gonna fix up some taters. Redskin potatoes worked really well for the meal and are a real tasty spud, but you may have your own preference or want to work with what you have on hand. I halved the taters and boiled for a bit, but not fully done. I then quartered the halves and tossed them into a pan of hot canola oil for some sizzle action with a little black pepper and red chili powder. (The fresh cracked pepper may be a little too coarse, make sure you have a nice fine powder of pepper.) Once you get them browned up to your liking, the spuds are ready. If they are done before you are ready to plate, toss them on a baking sheet to keep warm in the oven. Alternately, I'm sure you could bake the wedges to a crisp in the oven after giving them a little drizzle of oil and dusted with spices.

Breast tenderloins are usually not on my grocery list because they are more expensive than other cuts, but I got a heck of a bargain on these and bought about six or eight packages to toss in the freezer. This is a white meat cut, smaller than the breast. We are going to cook them much like a “chicken finger” but rather then deep frying, we are going to bread them and pan fry them in a a little canola oil. The Italian-seasoned bread crumbs are best for this, and most other uses for that matter. If you only have plain bread crumbs, you can add some herbs, maybe a little salt and pepper, and even a punch of grated cheese. One at a time we are going to give each tenderloin an eggwash and then dredge in the bread crumbs, then lay them down in a hot pan coated generously with canola oil. I used a big electric frying pan doused with oil. Let them sizzle up nicely til nice and brown, and flip.

Since tenderloins are a lot thinner and more narrow than a breast, they don't take long to cook and you really shouldn’t have to worry much about getting the inside up to proper temp. As long as they have tightened up a bit so that they aren't floppy and are browned up nicely on each side, you can take them out and lay them down on a paper towel to soak up any excess oils.

When I fry the tenderloins this way, I always make a bunch, two or three pans full so that I have plenty of leftovers. Again, you may want to keep them warm by holding in the oven. The leftovers are great for seconds, a snack later on, or to be refrigerated to use in the next couple of days. I have used the leftovers cold to slice up and put on a salad, or you can warm them back up in a toaster oven where they should get nice and crispy again to serve as chicken fingers with a dipping sauce.

Speaking of sauce, now we come to the creamy Parmesan herb sauce. I use an electric fondue pot for this. I usually go ahead and make extra on this too. (If you didn't notice already, I am a big fan of cooking plenty so that there are plenty of leftovers in the fridge to make other light meals out of and to remix the applications.) Keep the temperature low so we don't burn the sauce at all. We will start by melting some butter in the pan. Then we will pour in a small container of heavy cream and bring that up to temperature, steaming, maybe bubbling a little. Finally, we add a bag of shredded Parmesan cheese. You could also shred your own Parmesan of course, but I don't use the best, most expensive stuff when making sauces. I use the good stuff sparingly, usually to dust over a plate of pasta or something just before serving.

Okay, so now we have the basic sauce going. Keep on stirring as the shredded cheese melts into the butter and cream. I went ahead and used two bags of cheese this last time. Keep more heavy cream on hand to add in slowly in order to get a nice constituency. Not too thick, not too thin. It may reduce a little as you are cooking it, and if you happen to add to much cream, continue to cook for a while in order to reduce and thicken up the sauce. A little flour will also help it to thicken. In fact, you might want to add a little anyway to get a rich consistency.

Time to add the herbs and seasoning. Garlic powder, onion powder, parsley, basil, oregano. Be careful not to overseason it, you can always add a few extra bumps to taste. I wound up adding a good extra shot of the garlic powder especially, but you don't want to overpower the flavor of the cheese, or the concert of herbs. All the while, you should keep stirring regularly so that the sauce doesn't stick and burn.

Plate your veggies, redskins, and chicken strips, then drizzle the chicken with the herb-cream sauce. Some may enjoy the sauce over their seasoned potatoes as well.

Now pardon the pictures here, bad lighting and a cheap camera-phone don't make very appealing food pics, but here is the plate I made up for my Mom...

Here is what you should pick up at the grocery store:

A bag of frozen vegetables (mixed broccoli, cauliflower, carrots), a bottle of sundried tomato dressing, a bag of redskin potatoes, chicken tenderloins, Italian bread crumbs, eggs, shredded Parmesan cheese, heavy cream, butter.

If you don't have these in your pantry you will also need:

Canola oil, chili powder, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, parsley, basil, and oregano.

Beef n' Bean Tacos

Forget the Bell, the ones you can make at home taste better and are much healthier than factory fast food.Tacos make a great meal-in-one, or you can serve along with chips and salsa, Spanish rice, or other Mexican and Latino favorites.

The heart of this taco is obviously the beef n' beans. Now you could just fry up some ground beef and fold in some canned beans. Small red or black beans would work best. However, I go to a bit more trouble on taco night, and whip up a big batch of my Southwest Beef to use as my primary taco filling, with enough leftovers to use other ways in the next few days. This stuff makes a slammin' taco filling. Just click on the link there to get that recipe.

Now we have to decide the taco shell. You could just go with the standard corn tortilla shell, store bought. You could go with soft tacos, made with flour tortilla wraps. Or you could do what I do, and step it up a notch by lightly frying some tortillas. There are usually 3 sizes to choose from. I go with the medium, makes a pretty big taco, but you could go gargantuan too if you prefer, or use the small ones for a standard size taco. The medium ones are usually the lowest cost per unit I have found.

Actually frying the tortilla is a bit of an art, and I don't have it down to a science yet. On one occasion I got some cheap tortillas at Walmart that really turned out bad for this and just fell apart. So start with a good tortilla. In a frying pan, pour in some canola oil and bring up the temp. Proper frying is supposed to be done at specific temperatures, but I don't have a temp setting on my burner, and since we are not actually deep frying, sticking in a cooking thermometer probably won't be much help. I just wait, and go by the shimmer of the oil, the smell coming up in the air, and then flick a few droplets of water in the pan to make sure is crackles real good. (Be very careful, water in hot oil explodes, and you will have hot oil all over the place if you aren't careful.)

Lay the tortilla in the pan, and fry until golden brown. The tortilla may puff up, not to worry. You can stick a fork in it if you really find that unnerving, or you are getting an uneven fry. Keeping an eye on the edges will help you gauge how done it is on the first side, but peeking will do no harm either. Be careful not to overcook. We are looking for it to be a little crispy, but not actually crunchy. Don't forget, we still have to fold this thing when it is done. Some people choose to only fry one side for this reason, but I go ahead and fry both sides, using a regular metal (not plastic) pancake turner to flip them. Now fold the tortilla over in half and lay it on a paper towel to cool and drain.

Repeat this process for the number of tacos you intend to make. You will likely need to add a bit more oil to the pan for every two or three tortillas. I also find that the tortillas tend to fry quicker as I get going along, but don't let the oil get too hot, or they will start to flashburn.

Now it's time to address the fixins. You can have them all ready ahead of time. I use the standard taco fixins, lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese and a schmear of sour cream. Since I am using my Southwest Beef mix, I won't need any salsa, but you might want to keep a bottle of hotsauce on hand for taco night.

Shredded or chopped lettuce, but don't do this too far ahead of time because it causes bruising. Some people have different tricks to stop lettuce from starting to brown on the edges, I just don't bother to shred too far ahead of time.

All different sort of tomatoes out there to choose from, but I usually go with some little cherry tomats. I slice them into little wheels to hold in all the juices and seeds. Of course, you can use a bigger tomato and chop it up nicely into little cubes, but I always hated wasting all the juices left on the cutting board, and it makes for a taco that is a little sloppy.

Even more than tomats, there are all sorts of cheeses out there. Of course we will want shredded cheese, but what kind? Cheddar would do fine, Monterey Jack, and there are all sorts of authentic Mexican cheeses too. I usually wind up getting a bag of the Mexican blend at the supermarket, or shredding my own Jack n Cheddar blend. I stay away from the taco blend in the bag though. It's just shredded cheese doused with salt nitrites and a factory season blend. Too much seasoning tends to clash and creates a muddled flavor profile. We want to keep the flavors fresh, and I like the cheese to taste like cheese.

Now finally, the assembly. First, lay in a heaping spoonful or two of your beef n' bean mix. Next give the inside of the shell a schmear of sour cream. As you are making the assembly, be gentle with the shell, so that it does not crack and split. Lay in some of the shredded cheese over the meat. It will get a little melty action too if the meat is hot enough. Top with shredded lettuce and your tomato wheels. Line up two or three on a plate, and you are all set to chow down.

At the grocery store you will need: All of the ingredients to make Southwest Beef, round flour tortillas, lettuce, tomato, sour cream, cheese (shredded blend perhaps), and canola oil if you have none in your pantry.

No frills rice and beans

There are probably a million and one ways to make rice and beans. Some dishes are loaded with seasoning, a variety of meats and beans and so forth. This recipe on the other hand, is very simple and super cheap. Which really is the point with rice and beans, being a staple of poorer households throughout Latin American and the Caribbean.

Chop one small onion, or about half of a larger onion. A regular sweet onion is fine, but if you get really teary-eyed chopping onions, you might opt for a white onion instead. They are a little more expensive, but more delicate in flavor and won't burn your eyes out while chopping. (Chopping an onion that is very cold also helps cut down on the eye-burn.)

Bring measured water to boil along with a good splash of canola oil. A few tablespoonfuls I suppose. You will probably need a little more water than is called for on your package instructions. I use Carolina jasmine rice. It is flavorful but not overpowering, and is quite versatile for recipes from East to West. The instructions call for 3 cups of water to 2 cups of rice, but I boil 4 cups of water.

Once you have it up to a rolling boil, add your onion, and cover again for another minute or so to get the temperature back up. Now add your rice, along with a packet chicken bouillon and any other seasonings you might enjoy. I rip out the flavor packet from a pack of ramen. Cheap, and I usually have at least a few packages laying around. (If you are a real pinch penny and trying to cut down on your sodium intake, you can even make your ramen with only on flavor packet for every two packets of ramen noodle, which will leave you with these leftover packets to use in other applications such as this.) Alternately, you might try boiling your rice in canned chicken broth, but it's going to up the cost of your meal. I don't add any salt as the flavor packet is already high in sodium. I often make this without any other seasoning at all, but today I added a few good shakes of dried parsley and some dried oregano and it came out quite savory.

Give it a quick stir, cover and leave the heat on high. Be patient, don't keep taking the top off to check or you will wind up with crunchy rice. I can usually tell when it's just about boiled down by listening to the bubbling under the lid. Of course, you don't want to burn it either, so timing is important. Making perfect rice is not quite as simple as some people might think. Even after you have cut the heat off, you are going to want to let the rice sit a little while longer and absorb the last of the moisture.

Now go ahead and toss in a half can of beans. Of course, you can use the whole can if you like, but I find half a can gives the best bean to rice ratio. Small red beans are my preference, but you might like other varieties. This time actually, I used Dominican red beans. The hot rice should help warm the beans after you have stirred them in being careful not to break them.

For some added flavor and to make a real meal out of it, you might also like to add some meat at this point. Today I used pork trimmings that I had fried up earlier and put aside. This is the stuff that butchers trim off all sorts of different cuts of pork when packaging. These leftover bits you can usually find a package of for about a dollar or so. I chopped about a pound of the meat up into bite size bits and pan fried in a little canola oil. Simple as that. You might also try cooking the meat in a variety of sauces or spice blends, but I kept it really basic today. I also cooked the rice in the juices leftover from cooking the pork. I deglazed the pan with the water for boiling the rice, and used a spoon to get the little bits at the bottom loose from the pan before bringing to a boil.

And so, that's that, very simple, very flavorful, very affordable rice and beans.
Here is your shopping list:

Rice (Carolina Jasmine), can of beans (small red), onion, package of ramen (to pirate the flavor packet), pork trimmings, canola oil, parsley, oregano.

Funky Mojo Wings

I likes me some wings, but why the heck are they do dang expensive? Making them at home is almost as much as buying them from the local pizza shop. Which is probably why this was the first time I actually made wings at home. Well that, and I didn't want to go to all the trouble until I came up with something unique. I didn't want to just smother them in bottled BBQ sauce, and I'm not really a fan of things that are too spicy, so smothering them in hot sauce was off the plate too. But when I saw a bottle of new Chipotle Mojo on the shelf at the grocery store for the first time, it quickly became clear that the time had come.

I got a bag of frozen separated wings, about two dozen or so, and put them into a plastic container when I got home. I poured the entire bottle of Mojo over the wings, and then placed in the fridge to marinate and thaw. As timing went here at home they wound up marinating for about 48 hours before I got back to them, but I would go ahead and let them marinate overnight anyway, especially if they are still frozen of course. You could also give them a shake or flip the container once in a while to make sure they stay covered in sauce while marinating.

Traditional Buffalo wings are deep fried, but to be honest I really don't like them that way. They get leathery and dried out more than they get crispy, so I decided to pan fry mine in an electric frying pan. (Grilled might work nicely for this too.) I glazed the bottom of the pan with canola oil and brought it up to temp, about 350F-degrees or so. I laid down each wing individually, so they weren't all bunched up. You want them all making contact with the pan. I poured a little extra sauce over them, covered, and simmered for about 7 or 8 minutes. Turn, then give them another 7 or 8 minutes.

At this point, I poured off most of the excess from the pan which was a little easier since the wings were sticking to the pan a little. This is a good thing. In fact, we're really going to get them to stick now deliberately, end even start to burn a little. Once you have poured off most of the excess, sprinkle with a dusting of granulated sugar. Turn sugared side down, and sprinkle the other side as you let them sizzle (un-covered now.). Letting them stick to the pan like this, it's going to be hard to not break the skin, but do your best to avoid that, and keep that blackened chipotle goodness hanging on there. I got up under each wing with a regular old pancake flipper. One they are blackened up to your liking, and the sauce is really stuck to them, the wings 'r done man. You should also see the meat just starting to pull away from the bone a little on the drumettes, which will help to verify that they are done all the way through.

Tasting the sauce from the bottle, I was pretty worried that the wings were going to be way too spicy for my liking. The chipotle gave a really deep lingering heat, but as they turned out, they were right on. Some heat, but not enough to make your eyes water or scorch out the flavors. If you really are more of a fire-eater, dribble on some Tobasco or other hot sauce at the end. But the slow-burn of the chipotle should be enough to get your nose running a little without actually being painful.

Bleu cheese dressing is the traditional coolant for wings, so let's go ahead and add the funk to these awesome Mojo Chipotle bad boys. The first time out of the gate, I was not about to stink up my wings with some bottled dressing, and made up my own bleu cheese dressing to dunk. Not too hard to make at all, and oh, so much better than the bottled crap. In a bowl mix at about a 50/50 ration spoonfuls of mayo and sour cream. Fold in crumbled blue cheese. I didn't bother with anything too expensive and found a small tub of it already crumbled for a good price, though some blue cheese can get really expensive. Now we are going to thin it out just a bit with some buttermilk. This is the real funk folks. Buttermilk sounds like it would be sweet and satiny, but actually the opposite is true. Buttermilk tastes and smells like sour milk. Pungent. Mix a little of that in, and your dipping sauce is done. Of course, you can do this while your wings are cooking too, or ahead of time to chill in the fridge. Serving it fresh mixed will give max funk though.

Don't want the dip so funky? You might try a little regular milk, or heavy cream rather than the buttermilk. Don't have sour cream? Try yogurt instead. Don't like blue cheese at all? Get a packet of ranch seasoning and sprinkle that in rather than the blue cheese. Or you might try using Parmesan cheese instead. All of these ideas I might run through sometime in the future. Or if you try them, leave a comment and let me know how it turned out for ya.

Make it a meal by serving with a bowl of sweet corn or some corn on the cob, some rice and beans, or maybe mini-pizzas. 

Here's what to pick up at the store:

1 bag of frozen, separated chicken wings. 1 bottle of Goya brand Mojo Chipotle marinade. Pick up some granulated sugar and canola oil too if you don't have any at home.

For the dip you will need:

Blue cheese, mayonnaise, sour cream, buttermilk.

Clark's Chocolatey Cheesecake Parfait Cups

Ever have one of those cooking ideas that you just can't seem to bring together? Well, this is going to be a long-winded entry of the trials and tribulations that I faced before finally, after several days, putting together Christmas dessert to take to the family gathering.

A few days ago I decided to do a dessert, but realized that I was already behind the 8-ball without an oven, and very little freezer space. So I started looking at no bake recipes, and had in mind something like a no-bake cheesecake, or maybe some chocolate cheesecake balls or something. I had the idea of mini-tarts or parfait cups also bouncing around my head, when I finally hit the supermarket last night.

I fell into the classic trap of not having a game-plan already set out when I walked into the crowded supermarket. Especially when breaking new ground and embarking on mission you have never undertaken before. So there I was wandering up and down the baking aisle, confectioner's sugar, chocolate chips, condensed milk. Oh, look at those cute little pre-made mini-pie crusts! Yea right, not at that price, not with how many I have to make. Muffin cups, not strong enough to hold a no-bake dessert like a parfait. Butterscotch chip, apricot jam, cherry preserves. Gonna do a few different flavors of something. Dried fruit. Where are the cherry flavored cranberries, and the dried apricots? But I changed direction anyway and put all that stuff back when I hit the dairy aisle.

Rather than blocks of cream cheese, I decided to pick up two tubs of ready-made name-brand no-bake cheesecake mix. Cheating? Yeah, but heck, it was still cheaper than doing it from scratch, and would certainly take out a big step in the process of whatever I finally decide to put together I figured. But there I am wondering how good it really tastes, and more importantly, what the texture really is. I was tempted to rip the top open and stick a finger in right there, but was stuck gambling. Now where the heck are the dried fruits?

I can't find any small shells for individual desserts, so now I'm thinking maybe I'll go ahead and dice up some dried fruit into the cheesecake mix, and make cookie sandwiches with 'Nilla Wafer cookies. Or maybe pecan sandies, or some shortbread cookies? Decisions decisions. I'm on a tight budget, so I finally decide on the store-brand vanilla cookies. Which I already had in mind going into the store from one recipe I had seen. My Mom decides we should get some graham crackers too, maybe make a crumble or something, if we ever find some mini pie tins. At this point we had begun contemplating heading over to the dollar store too, in my quest for a way to make individual servings. Still can't find the damn dried fruit. Where do they keep the raisins? Gotta be with the raisins.

Bumped into an old co-worker of mine, walking around with a shopping cart full of stuff, undercover as the store detective. Chatted with him for a second. Oh darn! Should have asked him where the heck the dried fruit is. But he has disappeared. Back to the first aisle and start over, we must be missing it, or maybe it actually is over there in some corner of produce. Hmmm, kiwi's, mangoes, not a bad price either. Scratch the dried fruit idea. Never did find it either by the way. I'll put a squirt of cheesecake mix on each cookie, and top with a nice hunk of kiwi or mango, alternating down the platter.

On the way home, I stop and hit another supermarket for a bag of chocolate chips. An insurance policy of some sort I figured. Can use some melted chocolate as a glue or something if I have to. Chocolate is just a good option to have. Maybe I can even drizzle some wisps over the cookies.

So that's basically what I had in mind when I woke up today. Ha ha! Yea right Fatman. Get ready for more tribulations. The Nilla cookies are a lot smaller than the name brand, but okay, we'll make them bite sized. I get about ten of them smeared with with the cheesecake mix, and I'm not really liking the density, too loose, not thick enough. Really good flavor though, but there's an even more prevalent problem. I bump the tray and suddenly realize the round “bottoms” are going to make the tray impossible to transport in a car without these things winding upside down and tossed every which way. Put the flat size down? Just wont hold enough of the CC mix, and since it's not super-dense, it will probably just melt and run down all over the tray. New plan. Hey, good thing mom got those graham crackers!

So I start breaking them up, along the dotted lines, to finger-size rectangles. That will be much more stable and will actually hold a bigger slice of fruit too. So I go ahead and do that. A nice schmear of the CC mix, and a nice slice of kiwi, or mango on top, alternating on down the tray. Got one whole tray done, going to make a second. Grabbed a bite of one of those Nilla cookies I had put aside. Oh crap.

They're already getting stale, soggy. Those graham crackers are never going to hold up until tomorrow. They aren't even as dense, and get soggy far quicker even than those hard cookies. What the heck am I gonna do now?

Well, as I had gone rummaging through the cabinets looking for a piping bag or cookie-gun to squirt the CC mix, which I never did find, I had noticed something I wished I had noticed days earlier. Grandma has saved close to fifty little plastic cups that her single-serve fruit cocktails come in. Score! I can just put a spoonful of the CC mix in a cup, top with fruit, maybe some chocolate drizzled over. But by now I've already gone through more than half a tub of the CK mix already on failed attempts. Should have gotten those boxes of pudding after all.

Put the boots on Fatman, maybe the pharmacy up on the corner will have some chocolate pudding, and whipped cream. No cans of whipped cream, no heavy cream, but I scored the last box of chocolate pudding in the place. I snag another two boxes of vanilly, and think maybe I can melt in those chocolate chips to the vanilla pudding. Maybe even make a nice marble or something, but that sounds a little bit over my head at this point. It's getting dark, and I need to pull this together before it's time to start making dinner. So I head across the street to see if the kwiki-stop store has another box of pudding. One box might do it, but best to have two after all this. Plus I want whipped cream. Maybe they will have a can of it, or some heavy cream I can whip up my own if I have to.

Chocolate pudding, check. Only “light” whipped cream in the can left? There's heavy cream, do I make my own? Forget it, gonna have to be the light. Easy to squirt, and the CK mix and pudding should be rich enough anyway. 

Okay, so now we finally come to it. Named for the spirit of Clark W. Griswold who has been with me all the while, even as we finally pulled a success out of disaster, this is how to make Clark's Chocolatey Cheesecake Parfait Cups:

Prepare instant chocolate pudding according to package instructions. For two boxes it calls for four cups of milk, but o shave it down to 3.5 cups to make it a little denser, like you would do for a pudding pie. After whisking, allow to set as you go ahead and line up your plastic cups on a cookie sheet. I covered mine in foil do hide the beat-up pans a little. Each sheet fit three rows of five cups.

A heaping teaspoon or so of ready-made no-bake cheesecake mix for each cup. You want to fill maybe a little less than half the cup with the dollup. If you keep it super cold, it's easier to work with. I tossed a tub of it in the freezer for a bit at some point during this whole escapade, and yanked that out when I finally came to the end of the first tub I had been smearing all over the place. It wasn't frozen solid, but it was nice and dense.

Next we'll spoon in some chocolate pudding. The chocolate can easily overpower the flavor of the cheesecake mix, so you want a smaller teaspoon full of that. I also didn't try at all to set one directly on top of the other in strict flat levels. Getting the CC mix off the spoon and into the cup, I had to bang the spoon on the edge of the cup to get the stuff to come loose, which worked out well actually. It set up a sort of an angle in the cup where the the pudding could overlap the CC a bit, yet rest side by side. A bit of a nice yin-yang really.

Now we have the fruit. I was not really too happy with my mangoes, a little to hard, not sweet or ripe enough for my tastes. But that's pretty much what you should expect from supermarket mangoes. It's important to know how to cut a mango. There's a big flat pit inside. You want to cut the flesh off the mango along the two flat sides of that pit. If it doesn't come right loose after you have sliced down through, give it a little twist and it should come loose form the pit. I then skin the meat of the fruit like you would fillet a fish. Skin side down, and run your knife along, as close to the skin as you can. You can pick it up and trim the rest of the skin off a little better, until you are left with one flat-bottomed, sort of tear-drop shaped piece of fruit. Slice that in half lengthwise, and then each length into wedges.

Now we have kiwis. These little buggers are tasty, but a pain to work with too. The fuzzy skin is thin, yet just does not want to come off. I tried a peeler, but it really doesn't work well, the skin is just a bit too leathery. I just use a knife to skin it the best I can without cutting into that flesh too much and wasting too much of the bright green goodness. I was able to trim the last bits off with the peeler. Slice into discs, and then halve each disc.

If I had planned ahead well enough, I might have had some fresh strawberries or raspberries. Instead, I started thinking of maybe just a little dab of strawberry jam might give it the color I was looking for to do a nice fruit trifecta. Instead, I found a jar of whole strawberries in light syrup that I forgot I had. I poured out the juice, then halved each soft strawberry on my cutting board.

I kept going back and forth between cutting fruit and actually putting it in the cups. Try to lay each piece in nicely, so that it shows its widest face and isn't hidden by another piece. This is a bit of the artistry of food I suppose, applying a bit of a geometrical eye to the terrain of each different cup as you lay down each piece of fruit. Woops, leave enough room for one of those little Nilla cookies too. It's a little bit of a free-form puzzle I suppose, but use your eye to drop each piece in there in a way that it looks like some of those desserts you see on the cover of a magazine. Don't go too cray though. Once it's in and down, don't pull it back out to try again or you'll just start making a sloppy looking mess.

I was about to top each cup with whipped cream, but two thoughts struck me. First, I was going to have to cover each tray with foil to hold overnight in the fridge, and to transport tomorrow. So the whipped cream would wind up smearing all over. But more importantly, the canned stuff has so much air in it that it liquefies not too long after you have sprayed it. So, I will just take the can with me tomorrow, and leave it as an option to spray on right then and there.

So here's the list that I should have had when I first went to the store:

Single-serve cups or small dishes. (Good luck finding them at the last minute though.)

At least one tub of pre-made no-bake cheesecake mix. (I went through two tubs total, but more than one just for the cups.)

One box of chocolate instant pudding. (I only wound up using about half what I made with two boxes.)

For the fruit, I went through about four kiwis, and two mangoes for the cups. (Might be a good idea to have a bit extra on hand just in case you have trouble dissecting them.) You will also want some sort of strawberry. Fresh would certainly be best, but perhaps frozen, jarred, or maybe even some raspberries instead.

Store-brand vanilla wafer cookies. (The smaller rounds work better in the cups than the larger name brand would have.)

Whipped cream.

Easy Peasy Crabby Fettuccine

Imitation crab has a bit of a negative reputation as a cheap, un-authentic ingredient that culinary connoisseurs look down on with disdain. Of course, it doesn't really compare with some nice hot, fresh King Crab legs at your favorite seafood joint, but it's a very easy protein to work with, and keeps well for a long time in a vacuum sealed pack. Even longer in the freezer of course. Grab a few packages when it's on sale, and stick them in the freezer as a backup for when your groceries are getting low, or you feel in the mood for something other than the run-of-the mill beef, pork, and chicken routine. It's actually a pretty versatile ingredient, that you have probably enjoyed in Chinese food, in Sushi, or in the crab salad from your local deli. Imitation crab is actually a version of Surimi, a seafood product that is not looked down on in Asia any more than we would look down on ground beef or sausage here in the West. It can be a kid-friendly food too, is pre-cooked, and can be eaten hot or cold.

But let's cut to the chase now, and talk about what I did with it last night. We'll go ahead an put some water on to boil our pasta. The fettuccine worked great for this but you can always try out your own shapes of pasta of course, to your own preference. I do think that a wide, flat cut will work best though. I cooked a whole box, but only used about half of it in the final preparation, and put what was left in the fridge for another use. Normally, I like my pasta closer to the mushy side, especially for rich, heavy sauces, but for this I kept it a little more firm.

In a sauté pan melt down about a half stick of butter. Keep a bottle of olive oil handy and don't be shy with it as we move along here, since it will really be what makes up the “sauce” for this recipe, along with the melted butter of course. I use a middle of the road cold-pressed olive oil, but some folks may prefer something more top-shelf since, as I said, this is the prime liquid component that will dress the pasta when we are finished. Throw in your package of chunk crab meat, about a pound, for some sizzle. Next we'll throw in a few handfuls of sugar snap peas. These are basically peas still in the pods. I used frozen ones, about a quarter of the bag, and it brought down the temp of the pan a lot, so you might want to thaw first, but I just kept the heat on high to bring it all back up to temp. Keep it all drenched with olive oil and throw in a few big spoonfuls of chopped garlic, but not too early or it will burn. I used jarred to keep it quick and easy, but you can use fresh of course if you prefer. Season pretty well with fresh cracked black pepper. Sauté thoroughly, letting the crab chunks loosen up and fall apart. I beat up those chunks with my spoon a little to to help them break apart some more.

A quick side note here on the imitation crab meat again. You may find that you like some brands better than others, as I have, but I always try to find a twofer or bogo deal. The chunks I find are the most versatile, but you could always chop up some crab sticks too and I'm sure it would work out fine.

Now the finishing touch to the sauté, I gave it a nice dusting with dried parsley. Make sure there is plenty of oil in there so that it will coat all of your pasta. Depending on how you pull off the timing, you may have to cover and hold for a bit until your pasta is finished. Once it is, pour your sauté over it and toss. Alternately, you might plate individually, pasta, topped with a portion of your crab sauté. Top it all of with a good dusting of nice salty grated Parmesan and Romano blend. I was stuck with the cheap store-brand stuff in the canister, but it worked fine. I actually prefer it to the name brand actually, but I can be a cheese snob too, and do like the real, fresh grated stuff when I can afford it. But overall this is a good recipe to keep cheap, easy peasy, and done in a snap. As quick as it takes to cook pasta is about how quick you can have this dish done.

Since it's not drowning in a thick, heavy sauce, and you can actually taste the pasta, some might call this a “light” tasting dish. The snap peas add to the freshness, and their sweetness pairs with the sweetness of the crab meat. Those flavors pop against the saltiness of the cheese and we get a little zing from the black pepper. The flavor profile rounds out nicely then with savory garlic throughout and the richness of lip-moistening oils bringing us back full circle to the semolina platform.

Here's your shopping list:

Fettuccine, imitation crab meat, snap peas, olive oil, butter, garlic, black pepper, parsley, grated cheese.