Clark's Chocolatey Cheesecake Parfait Cups

Ever have one of those cooking ideas that you just can't seem to bring together? Well, this is going to be a long-winded entry of the trials and tribulations that I faced before finally, after several days, putting together Christmas dessert to take to the family gathering.

A few days ago I decided to do a dessert, but realized that I was already behind the 8-ball without an oven, and very little freezer space. So I started looking at no bake recipes, and had in mind something like a no-bake cheesecake, or maybe some chocolate cheesecake balls or something. I had the idea of mini-tarts or parfait cups also bouncing around my head, when I finally hit the supermarket last night.

I fell into the classic trap of not having a game-plan already set out when I walked into the crowded supermarket. Especially when breaking new ground and embarking on mission you have never undertaken before. So there I was wandering up and down the baking aisle, confectioner's sugar, chocolate chips, condensed milk. Oh, look at those cute little pre-made mini-pie crusts! Yea right, not at that price, not with how many I have to make. Muffin cups, not strong enough to hold a no-bake dessert like a parfait. Butterscotch chip, apricot jam, cherry preserves. Gonna do a few different flavors of something. Dried fruit. Where are the cherry flavored cranberries, and the dried apricots? But I changed direction anyway and put all that stuff back when I hit the dairy aisle.

Rather than blocks of cream cheese, I decided to pick up two tubs of ready-made name-brand no-bake cheesecake mix. Cheating? Yeah, but heck, it was still cheaper than doing it from scratch, and would certainly take out a big step in the process of whatever I finally decide to put together I figured. But there I am wondering how good it really tastes, and more importantly, what the texture really is. I was tempted to rip the top open and stick a finger in right there, but was stuck gambling. Now where the heck are the dried fruits?

I can't find any small shells for individual desserts, so now I'm thinking maybe I'll go ahead and dice up some dried fruit into the cheesecake mix, and make cookie sandwiches with 'Nilla Wafer cookies. Or maybe pecan sandies, or some shortbread cookies? Decisions decisions. I'm on a tight budget, so I finally decide on the store-brand vanilla cookies. Which I already had in mind going into the store from one recipe I had seen. My Mom decides we should get some graham crackers too, maybe make a crumble or something, if we ever find some mini pie tins. At this point we had begun contemplating heading over to the dollar store too, in my quest for a way to make individual servings. Still can't find the damn dried fruit. Where do they keep the raisins? Gotta be with the raisins.

Bumped into an old co-worker of mine, walking around with a shopping cart full of stuff, undercover as the store detective. Chatted with him for a second. Oh darn! Should have asked him where the heck the dried fruit is. But he has disappeared. Back to the first aisle and start over, we must be missing it, or maybe it actually is over there in some corner of produce. Hmmm, kiwi's, mangoes, not a bad price either. Scratch the dried fruit idea. Never did find it either by the way. I'll put a squirt of cheesecake mix on each cookie, and top with a nice hunk of kiwi or mango, alternating down the platter.

On the way home, I stop and hit another supermarket for a bag of chocolate chips. An insurance policy of some sort I figured. Can use some melted chocolate as a glue or something if I have to. Chocolate is just a good option to have. Maybe I can even drizzle some wisps over the cookies.

So that's basically what I had in mind when I woke up today. Ha ha! Yea right Fatman. Get ready for more tribulations. The Nilla cookies are a lot smaller than the name brand, but okay, we'll make them bite sized. I get about ten of them smeared with with the cheesecake mix, and I'm not really liking the density, too loose, not thick enough. Really good flavor though, but there's an even more prevalent problem. I bump the tray and suddenly realize the round “bottoms” are going to make the tray impossible to transport in a car without these things winding upside down and tossed every which way. Put the flat size down? Just wont hold enough of the CC mix, and since it's not super-dense, it will probably just melt and run down all over the tray. New plan. Hey, good thing mom got those graham crackers!

So I start breaking them up, along the dotted lines, to finger-size rectangles. That will be much more stable and will actually hold a bigger slice of fruit too. So I go ahead and do that. A nice schmear of the CC mix, and a nice slice of kiwi, or mango on top, alternating on down the tray. Got one whole tray done, going to make a second. Grabbed a bite of one of those Nilla cookies I had put aside. Oh crap.

They're already getting stale, soggy. Those graham crackers are never going to hold up until tomorrow. They aren't even as dense, and get soggy far quicker even than those hard cookies. What the heck am I gonna do now?

Well, as I had gone rummaging through the cabinets looking for a piping bag or cookie-gun to squirt the CC mix, which I never did find, I had noticed something I wished I had noticed days earlier. Grandma has saved close to fifty little plastic cups that her single-serve fruit cocktails come in. Score! I can just put a spoonful of the CC mix in a cup, top with fruit, maybe some chocolate drizzled over. But by now I've already gone through more than half a tub of the CK mix already on failed attempts. Should have gotten those boxes of pudding after all.

Put the boots on Fatman, maybe the pharmacy up on the corner will have some chocolate pudding, and whipped cream. No cans of whipped cream, no heavy cream, but I scored the last box of chocolate pudding in the place. I snag another two boxes of vanilly, and think maybe I can melt in those chocolate chips to the vanilla pudding. Maybe even make a nice marble or something, but that sounds a little bit over my head at this point. It's getting dark, and I need to pull this together before it's time to start making dinner. So I head across the street to see if the kwiki-stop store has another box of pudding. One box might do it, but best to have two after all this. Plus I want whipped cream. Maybe they will have a can of it, or some heavy cream I can whip up my own if I have to.

Chocolate pudding, check. Only “light” whipped cream in the can left? There's heavy cream, do I make my own? Forget it, gonna have to be the light. Easy to squirt, and the CK mix and pudding should be rich enough anyway. 

Okay, so now we finally come to it. Named for the spirit of Clark W. Griswold who has been with me all the while, even as we finally pulled a success out of disaster, this is how to make Clark's Chocolatey Cheesecake Parfait Cups:

Prepare instant chocolate pudding according to package instructions. For two boxes it calls for four cups of milk, but o shave it down to 3.5 cups to make it a little denser, like you would do for a pudding pie. After whisking, allow to set as you go ahead and line up your plastic cups on a cookie sheet. I covered mine in foil do hide the beat-up pans a little. Each sheet fit three rows of five cups.

A heaping teaspoon or so of ready-made no-bake cheesecake mix for each cup. You want to fill maybe a little less than half the cup with the dollup. If you keep it super cold, it's easier to work with. I tossed a tub of it in the freezer for a bit at some point during this whole escapade, and yanked that out when I finally came to the end of the first tub I had been smearing all over the place. It wasn't frozen solid, but it was nice and dense.

Next we'll spoon in some chocolate pudding. The chocolate can easily overpower the flavor of the cheesecake mix, so you want a smaller teaspoon full of that. I also didn't try at all to set one directly on top of the other in strict flat levels. Getting the CC mix off the spoon and into the cup, I had to bang the spoon on the edge of the cup to get the stuff to come loose, which worked out well actually. It set up a sort of an angle in the cup where the the pudding could overlap the CC a bit, yet rest side by side. A bit of a nice yin-yang really.

Now we have the fruit. I was not really too happy with my mangoes, a little to hard, not sweet or ripe enough for my tastes. But that's pretty much what you should expect from supermarket mangoes. It's important to know how to cut a mango. There's a big flat pit inside. You want to cut the flesh off the mango along the two flat sides of that pit. If it doesn't come right loose after you have sliced down through, give it a little twist and it should come loose form the pit. I then skin the meat of the fruit like you would fillet a fish. Skin side down, and run your knife along, as close to the skin as you can. You can pick it up and trim the rest of the skin off a little better, until you are left with one flat-bottomed, sort of tear-drop shaped piece of fruit. Slice that in half lengthwise, and then each length into wedges.

Now we have kiwis. These little buggers are tasty, but a pain to work with too. The fuzzy skin is thin, yet just does not want to come off. I tried a peeler, but it really doesn't work well, the skin is just a bit too leathery. I just use a knife to skin it the best I can without cutting into that flesh too much and wasting too much of the bright green goodness. I was able to trim the last bits off with the peeler. Slice into discs, and then halve each disc.

If I had planned ahead well enough, I might have had some fresh strawberries or raspberries. Instead, I started thinking of maybe just a little dab of strawberry jam might give it the color I was looking for to do a nice fruit trifecta. Instead, I found a jar of whole strawberries in light syrup that I forgot I had. I poured out the juice, then halved each soft strawberry on my cutting board.

I kept going back and forth between cutting fruit and actually putting it in the cups. Try to lay each piece in nicely, so that it shows its widest face and isn't hidden by another piece. This is a bit of the artistry of food I suppose, applying a bit of a geometrical eye to the terrain of each different cup as you lay down each piece of fruit. Woops, leave enough room for one of those little Nilla cookies too. It's a little bit of a free-form puzzle I suppose, but use your eye to drop each piece in there in a way that it looks like some of those desserts you see on the cover of a magazine. Don't go too cray though. Once it's in and down, don't pull it back out to try again or you'll just start making a sloppy looking mess.

I was about to top each cup with whipped cream, but two thoughts struck me. First, I was going to have to cover each tray with foil to hold overnight in the fridge, and to transport tomorrow. So the whipped cream would wind up smearing all over. But more importantly, the canned stuff has so much air in it that it liquefies not too long after you have sprayed it. So, I will just take the can with me tomorrow, and leave it as an option to spray on right then and there.

So here's the list that I should have had when I first went to the store:

Single-serve cups or small dishes. (Good luck finding them at the last minute though.)

At least one tub of pre-made no-bake cheesecake mix. (I went through two tubs total, but more than one just for the cups.)

One box of chocolate instant pudding. (I only wound up using about half what I made with two boxes.)

For the fruit, I went through about four kiwis, and two mangoes for the cups. (Might be a good idea to have a bit extra on hand just in case you have trouble dissecting them.) You will also want some sort of strawberry. Fresh would certainly be best, but perhaps frozen, jarred, or maybe even some raspberries instead.

Store-brand vanilla wafer cookies. (The smaller rounds work better in the cups than the larger name brand would have.)

Whipped cream.

Easy Peasy Crabby Fettuccine

Imitation crab has a bit of a negative reputation as a cheap, un-authentic ingredient that culinary connoisseurs look down on with disdain. Of course, it doesn't really compare with some nice hot, fresh King Crab legs at your favorite seafood joint, but it's a very easy protein to work with, and keeps well for a long time in a vacuum sealed pack. Even longer in the freezer of course. Grab a few packages when it's on sale, and stick them in the freezer as a backup for when your groceries are getting low, or you feel in the mood for something other than the run-of-the mill beef, pork, and chicken routine. It's actually a pretty versatile ingredient, that you have probably enjoyed in Chinese food, in Sushi, or in the crab salad from your local deli. Imitation crab is actually a version of Surimi, a seafood product that is not looked down on in Asia any more than we would look down on ground beef or sausage here in the West. It can be a kid-friendly food too, is pre-cooked, and can be eaten hot or cold.

But let's cut to the chase now, and talk about what I did with it last night. We'll go ahead an put some water on to boil our pasta. The fettuccine worked great for this but you can always try out your own shapes of pasta of course, to your own preference. I do think that a wide, flat cut will work best though. I cooked a whole box, but only used about half of it in the final preparation, and put what was left in the fridge for another use. Normally, I like my pasta closer to the mushy side, especially for rich, heavy sauces, but for this I kept it a little more firm.

In a sauté pan melt down about a half stick of butter. Keep a bottle of olive oil handy and don't be shy with it as we move along here, since it will really be what makes up the “sauce” for this recipe, along with the melted butter of course. I use a middle of the road cold-pressed olive oil, but some folks may prefer something more top-shelf since, as I said, this is the prime liquid component that will dress the pasta when we are finished. Throw in your package of chunk crab meat, about a pound, for some sizzle. Next we'll throw in a few handfuls of sugar snap peas. These are basically peas still in the pods. I used frozen ones, about a quarter of the bag, and it brought down the temp of the pan a lot, so you might want to thaw first, but I just kept the heat on high to bring it all back up to temp. Keep it all drenched with olive oil and throw in a few big spoonfuls of chopped garlic, but not too early or it will burn. I used jarred to keep it quick and easy, but you can use fresh of course if you prefer. Season pretty well with fresh cracked black pepper. Sauté thoroughly, letting the crab chunks loosen up and fall apart. I beat up those chunks with my spoon a little to to help them break apart some more.

A quick side note here on the imitation crab meat again. You may find that you like some brands better than others, as I have, but I always try to find a twofer or bogo deal. The chunks I find are the most versatile, but you could always chop up some crab sticks too and I'm sure it would work out fine.

Now the finishing touch to the sauté, I gave it a nice dusting with dried parsley. Make sure there is plenty of oil in there so that it will coat all of your pasta. Depending on how you pull off the timing, you may have to cover and hold for a bit until your pasta is finished. Once it is, pour your sauté over it and toss. Alternately, you might plate individually, pasta, topped with a portion of your crab sauté. Top it all of with a good dusting of nice salty grated Parmesan and Romano blend. I was stuck with the cheap store-brand stuff in the canister, but it worked fine. I actually prefer it to the name brand actually, but I can be a cheese snob too, and do like the real, fresh grated stuff when I can afford it. But overall this is a good recipe to keep cheap, easy peasy, and done in a snap. As quick as it takes to cook pasta is about how quick you can have this dish done.

Since it's not drowning in a thick, heavy sauce, and you can actually taste the pasta, some might call this a “light” tasting dish. The snap peas add to the freshness, and their sweetness pairs with the sweetness of the crab meat. Those flavors pop against the saltiness of the cheese and we get a little zing from the black pepper. The flavor profile rounds out nicely then with savory garlic throughout and the richness of lip-moistening oils bringing us back full circle to the semolina platform.

Here's your shopping list:

Fettuccine, imitation crab meat, snap peas, olive oil, butter, garlic, black pepper, parsley, grated cheese.